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Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

Written by Anthony Sargon

I’ve been trying really hard to be positive about Jonathan Liebesman’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I genuinely wanted to love this movie, and did my best to ignore all the negative buzz surrounding it. But while the flick does manage to deliver moments of genuine fun, it’s simply too generic and lazy to stand out in a summer that’s given us some truly incredible science-fiction/superhero blockbusters. Maybe the fact that Guardians of the Galaxy totally killed it last week unfairly raised my expectations for TMNT, but either way, it could (and should) have been better.

The plot revolves around April O’Neil (Megan Fox), a down-on-her-luck reporter who’s investigating the Foot Clan, a paramilitary organization terrorizing New York City. After being rescued by our four titular heroes, April and the turtles must band together if they’re going to stop the Foot, save New York, and uncover the truth behind the TMNT’s past.

I’m not a purist when it comes to adaptations, so I was totally fine with the notion of changing the turtles’ origin story, but what the writers have come up with here is so generic that you can’t help but feel a sense of “been there, done that.” April O’Neil is now heavily linked to the turtles’ past, which robs their mutation of any randomness. They’re now “destined” to be heroes. It’s basically the same premise we see in The Amazing Spider-Man with Peter Parker’s dad and Dr. Connors. It’s bland and unoriginal.

Speaking of bland and unoriginal, someone actually managed to make Shredder the least interesting on-screen villain since Thor: The Dark World‘s Malekith. Literally, all he is is a tall, angry Japanese dude in mech/samurai armor. Does he look badass? Absolutely, albeit a tad ridiculous with all the blades sticking out. But more importantly, do you care about him at all? Nope. Not one bit. We spend more time learning about William Fichtner’s character Eric Sacks and his backstory than we do about the film’s primary antagonist. That would have made sense if Eric Sacks was actually pulling all the strings or something, but he’s not; he was trained by Shredder and is simply one of his glorified henchmen. Shredder literally felt like an after afterthought, and I wouldn’t be surprised if his character (probably intended to be Oroku Saki) was written into the script after filming began. Either give Shredder the necessary development, or make Sacks the main foe.

I wasn’t too keen on the Megan Fox casting from the get-go. She’s just not right for the role, and definitely isn’t a good enough actress to carry something like this. My fears were completely justified; she was terrible. Her line delivery was cringe worthy, and she felt very out-of-place. She has zero chemistry with any of the other characters, whether it’s the turtles or her cameraman Vernon Fenwick (Will Arnett). What’s worse is that she gets more screen time than the turtles, which makes no sense at all. Arnett is completely wasted in a thankless and unfunny role, and Whoopi Goldberg was in there for about two minutes, which in retrospect is probably a good thing.

Regardless of everything that’s wrong with the movie, it can’t be all bad if they actually manage to get the turtles right. Well, do they? Yes and no. For one, I don’t mind the new designs, except that the turtles are a bit too gruff and bulky, especially Raph. They’re so big that they don’t even need to know martial arts; they can just throw everyone around, which is what they do half the time in the movie anyway. Still, they look pretty cool, accessories and all.

They mostly get the personalities right, but everyone’s now a stereotype of the character they’re supposed to be. Raphael (Alan Ritchson) was always the tougher one, but now’s he’s gruff, brooding and quite frankly, a douche bag. Leonardo (Johnny Knoxville) is extremely bland, and Donatello (Jeremy Howard) has gone from the smart one to the complete nerd/dweeb who refers to everything in percentages and wears giant nerdy glasses because…well…he’s smart. Mikey (Noel Fisher) is the only turtle I genuinely liked by the end of the flick.

And I know, they’re teenagers, but given how big and full-grown they look, their juvenile interplay now looks a bit awkward. At least the film manages to come to life when all four turtles are interacting with one another on screen, but they’re usually too busy playing second fiddle to April O’Neil. Most of their dialogue is squarely aimed at kids, though, so if you’re older than twelve, get ready to roll your eyes a lot. This is pretty run-of-the-mill, clichéd stuff that you’ll forget as soon as you walk out of the theater. I’m not asking for the next Godfather, but some effort would be nice.

What I loved about the 1990 original was the focus on family and brotherhood. The turtles were tested as a family and had to come together to save Master Splinter. While Liebesman tries to do something similar here, it lands with a thud. The movie is so preoccupied with jumping from one action set-piece to the next that it completely forgoes characterization. I would have loved to see an extended scene of the turtles just hanging out in their underground lair with Master Splinter (Tony Shalhoub). Unfortunately, it’s a continuous loop of exposition and chaotically shot action scenes. By the time I got to the big finale, there was close to no emotional investment on my part.

I will say that the fight choreography and visual effects were really well executed, although Liebesman couldn’t show any restraint with the camera, and it often got really distracting. Although I wasn’t a huge fan of this version of Master Splinter, he’s a total badass when it counts, and his showdown with Shredder was insanely cool. Vapid, for sure, but visually impressive. Same goes for the final battle with Shredder; it looks sweet, but the villain is so underdeveloped that it could have been anyone under that armor, and it wouldn’t have mattered one bit.

The Verdict:

This isn’t the disaster many were expecting, but it’s also far from being the proper TMNT film that fans deserve. It gets just enough right to get me somewhat hopeful for a sequel, but as it stands, this is a wasted opportunity to properly rejuvenate the TMNT’s big screen career. Kids will undoubtedly love it. I didn’t.

Numerical Score: 6/10

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